The Cat's in the Bag
When talking about young/old spineless hags, where does one begin? Ah, yes of course: cats. Every good spinster has her feline. Having a cat serves as a mirror really, both cat and hag are independent, frumpy, and moody as hell. Spinsters don't have the luxury--or perhaps the need to look upon a significant other, so what better than having a smaller, harrier form of themselves lounging about the house? Unfortunately, my roommate and I do not have the luxury of having a cat(s) due to the fact we live in an apartment complex that charges out the wazoo for pet ownership. That does not confine us though; we resort to catnapping. This, my friends, is a poignant sign that you just may be a spinster.
Meet our friend Hamlet, also known as "Hammy" for short.
We heard this little handsome man crying outside our apartment door. We couldn't resist. We littered the entry way with bits of salami, but surprisingly, he preferred our third roommate's dog's food (she still does not know this little guy was in our house all night). We don't have time for luring men into our home, we're too busy catnapping: a positive sign of onset spinsterhood.
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You and my dad should talk. He is a crazy cat man. That is a handsome kitty, I like his fluffy tail. I am willing to bet if you lined your halls with bacon you could probably lure in a man or two.
ReplyDeleteHmm…you seem to be suffering from onset spinsterphilia, my recommendation is 20 milligrams of cat nip A.S.A.P. If your catnapping behavior escalates we’ll up the dosage in increments of 10 milligrams a week until you no longer seek victims for your spinning. Furthermore, we’ll have to institutionalize you for the remainder of your spinsterhood. This will include talk therapy, intensive socializing, and husband seeking counseling. Furthermore, the following contraband will be banned from your institutional stay at the halfway house for wayward spinsters: sewing utensils, Oprah, cats, doilies, and, of course, ceramic statues of babies with angel wings.
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